Domestic Violence Myths & Facts
MYTH: Jealousy is a sign of love. If an intimate partner is always worried about what she wears, where she is going, and who she is seeing, he just really loves her.
Jealousy comes from feelings of insecurity and a need for power and control. Domestic violence is about power and control over the victim; NOT LOVE. Abusers often work to isolate victims from friends, and family, and even work in order to better control them.
MYTH: Alcohol and drugs are the main causes of violence in a relationship. If he just stops drinking/drugging, the abuse will end.
Alcohol and drugs do not cause violence. They may make an abuser more likely to act out at a given moment, but do not cause the DV. An abuser may need to seek help for addiction, but this alone will not end DV
MYTH: During pregnancy abuse usually stops.
Violence during pregnancy can actually INCREASE.
FACT: Domestic violence can lead to death.
72% of all murder-suicides are perpetrated by intimate partners. In fact, 1 in 3 female murder victims is killed by intimate partners.
MYTH: Domestic violence really only affects the victim.
Domestic violence affects everyone in a community. Children are greatly affected by witnessing and/or experiencing abuse in abusive households. Victims of DV lose a total of 8,000,000 million days of paid work each year, costing the US economy between $5.8 billion and 12.6 billion annually.
MYTH: Just as many women commit domestic violence as men do, so this isn’t really a woman’s issue.
While some women have been known to be abusers, women are disproportionately victims and suffer more severe physical injuries and death compared to male victims.
FACT: You cannot guess that someone is a batterer just by looking at them.
Abusers come from all walks of life regardless of age, social class, sexual orientation, race, religion, etc.
MYTH: Women stay because they like the abuse. If they didn’t like the abuse, they could just leave.
There are many reasons a woman may stay in a violent relationship. She may have religious beliefs that prevent her from divorcing, she may love him, she may be reluctant to take children away from their father, she may be financially dependent on him, and she may be afraid of his retaliation. Risk for death and severe violence greatly increases upon her leaving. For this reason it is important to get help with a safety plan before leaving. Never tell a loved one to “just leave.” Instead, help a loved one connect to service providers who can help work out a safety plan.
FACT: Domestic violence isn’t always in the form of hitting or Physical VioLence.
DV is about power and control over the victim and can take many forms from hitting, sexual assault, emotional/psychological abuse, threatening, stalking, social isolation, turning children against her, financial control, etc.
FACT: Once the relationship is over, the effects of domestic violence may still linger.
The effects of domestic violence often outlive the relationship. Long-term effects may include psychological trauma (such as PTSD), financial hardships, etc.